In the left corner we have Suzie's Breasts, known for taking a beating but staying in the fight for the long run.
In the corner on my right we have the current champeen, Gnawy McChomperGums, known for his sheer brutality and heft.
And in Round 4? 5? of this epic battle we have a new hero in the corner of our underdog, by the name of Dr. Charismatic Chiropractor. His assessment of the little pugilist is that his jaw got a bit wonky due to that crazee birthing process, and therefore he was not opening his mouth enough to actually suck milk out, but resorted to brute force mashing. Hence the owies. So after a bit of latex gloved finger sucking and some cranial prodding, we were sent on our merry way. And oddly enough, we have since had a few nursing sessions that seemed distinctly less violent. Not all, but some. And some is a far sight better than none.