Occasionally on my way to work, which is, by the way, a whole 12 minute trip, I hear the traffic report on the radio. They have some catchy slogan like "Traffic Conditions Where YOU Live". Which really isn't all that catchy, and is patently not true in our case. But I do then enjoy sitting there and trying to imagine what a traffic report would sound like for Where I Live. I think it would go something like this:
That wacky pack of wild turkeys is slowly making its way across the intersection of Sherlock and Colorado, so watch that final turn before the stop sign. It is rumored that the albino tom has already made the crossing, so if you want to see him you'll have to hurry.
And that horrendous dog that lives across from the lake has gotten out again, so if you hear a shrill yap and a quiet bump, you'll know what is stuck to your undercarriage.
The potholes have gotten especially bad at the intersection of Lakeside Drive and Lakeside Road, so do try to slow down from 10 mph to 5 mph there so you don't blow a tire.
That fat lazy dog is laying in the middle of East Whitlock again, so be sure and have your horn hand ready if you're going over 25.
There was a bear sighting on Carstens, so be sure your garbage is sealed up, and last but not least, the local county convictedly challenged are clearing brush again along Highway 140, so expect a 3 minute delay and nod and smile as you pass 'em by. And whatever you do, don't drive like my brother...
Some things about The Rural are decidedly more colorful than The Urban.